There goes the fear

There was a time when I was scared. I never wanted to leave the house with the two children. Heaven forbid something should go wrong! I dreamt up wild and crazy scenarios that I convinced myself would happen if I ventured out (usually the scenarios involved either one or both children, a nappy not doing its job and public humiliation). This fear was worse when Miles was just a baby, because I had absolute no idea what I was doing and was convinced someone would be able to tell if they saw me struggling in the street with the nappy bag, pram, wailing child and the weight of expectations.

So I stayed home a lot. At least at home when things went wrong there was no-one there to see that was over the age of 2 (oh what those children have seen!).



Recently though I've I realised I can juggle the nappy bag, pram, two wailing children and the weight of expectations, all with a smile on my face (albeit a kinda strained one). Something seems to have clicked at that over bearing fear of an outing with the children seems to have lifted. I'm still fully aware that things can go horribly wrong, and they most likely will involve an ill-timed toilet stop, but I've realised that I just don't care.





Miles, Ryan and I zipped up to Melbourne for the day today. I needed to hire a lens that I've been wanting to try out (the oh so lovely 35mm f2), and had to pick it up from Ben's Camera Hire. Usually a trip like this would be riddled with anxiety on my behalf, a complete lack of spontaneity and not a whole lot of fun.







But this trip was different. I realised the fear was gone. I didn't give a shit if it all went wrong. Meh, so what? This lead to a rollicking day filled with tram rides, jumping puddles in Bourke St and hanging out at the museum.









Sure, it wasn't all peachy. I did let out an almighty scream as Ryan reached to open the toilet door right as I was in the middle of going which made someone on the outside call out to see if I was alright. But really, that's not so bad.









Heck, I even threw in a trip to Ikea, ignoring all signs that I should go home such as Ryan begging me "Mummy, can we go home now?'



So maybe I am getting the hang of this parenting thing. Or maybe I just don't really care anymore that I have no idea at all.



* Meaghan

Info and news about my photography workshops HERE