Nerves of steel (or a lack thereof)

My first ROCK WHAT YOU'VE GOT photography business workshop is tomorrow. And oh my gawd, I am so nervous. When I'm nervous I get really really cold. Physically freezing. So I've spent the day with two jumpers and a scarf on. My hands are like ice, and Miles wouldn't let me rub his back like I do every night before he goes to sleep. 'No mum, your hands are colder than the freezer'.

The emotional manifestation of my nerves is that I loose the plot. I 100% forget where my head is. I can't think straight. I have to think hard to remember my own name. When I'm nervous I turn into a puddle of cold custard on the floor.

This happened to me before pretty much every one of my weddings last year. The nerves always set in the morning of the wedding. I consequently do ridiculous things such as lock my keys in the car, drive off leaving my camera bag on the front step, or get half way to a wedding and realise I have no shoes on. We've learnt to deal with it by putting Amba in charge of getting me ready. Before I leave the house he makes sure I have my camera, lenses, memory cards, batteries, and that I'm completely dressed. It's a system that seems to work as I always have my shoes on when I get to the wedding (knock wood).

So knowing that I get flustered is making my nerves worse about tomorrow. It's not that I'm having to talk in front of people (although I'm convinced I'll look like a peanut at least some of the time), nor is it having to talk about how I run my photography business which is causing me grief. It's the logistical stuff like 'what if I can't get the TV to work?' or 'what if I talk so fast that no one can understand a thing I'm saying and it's all over half an hour after it starts?' I've got visions of tripping over my own feet and going face first into the morning tea. I'm not very co-ordinated, it's a very real possibility.

I think I'll just have to warn the people as they walk in the door that anything that can go wrong, most likely will. And could they kindly refrain of taking any photographic evidence if I do happen to end up making love to the scones.

And here's a gumball machine from Luci and Vladimir's shoot. It's pretty. And I'm using it to distract myself!




Wish me luck!

* Meaghan


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