Oh me oh Miles

Oh Miles, what am I going to do with you?Perhaps more correctly, he should be asking what is he going to do with me?



Him and I are never on the same page. Never even reading the same book. In fact I'm reading the books and he's outside climbing trees. We clash. We bang heads. We scowl at each other. The other day I caught him looking at me as if I were from another planet.

It's never been easy with Miles. I still remember the very first day I spent on my own with him as a baby. I stared at him. A lot. And not in that 'oh goodness isn't he cute?' kind of way either. But in that 'I have no idea what's going on in your head' kind of way. And to this day I still have no idea what's going on in his head. I just don't 'get' him.



But I think that's because he's so much like me. He's emotional and erratic. Passionate and outgoing. Prone to breakdowns over small things. Prone to over-excitement over even smaller things. He and I are so similar, and because I don't 'get' me all that well, that means I'm struggling to work him out.



Because he's like me I feel for him so so much. So much it hurts my heart till it's all heavy and achy. I know what it's like to cry over not being able to find a possession. I get upset too when something I'm trying to do is just not working out. I struggle when someone I love is not happy. I see all these things happen to Miles and I wish I could shield him away, make him less like me, make him more like his strong dependable daddy. I want to tell him over and over until it sinks in that 'it's alright'.

While Miles will be a constant source of worry for me, he really is a true joy for me. Tonight he was sitting on my bed balancing bottle tops on his fingers. 'Look mum, I'm an octopus.' And when I'm feeling the worry, the stress, the upset, Miles is proving to be the only one who can soothe me. He knows the right way to look at me to make it all melt away.



Maybe it's because he gets me.

*Meaghan

(Photos taken by the deliriously wonderful Anna.)